What are the bridges from low-self worth to the real self.
The real self, the authentic self is equally neurotic in grandiosity as he or she is in self-defeat. Fearing that we are not enough we strive to meet an ideal that we create for ourselves. This ideal is filled with over-compensation and is therefore as unreliable as our fearing self in relation to giving us the feeling that we are enough and therefore prideful in who we are.
The chronic question of who we want to be over-shadows the who we are in such a way as to blur reality. In the state of chronic striving we miss the importance of the nuances of life and miss, as well, the feeling of warmth that we get from the experience of life.
Moving from cold toward our real selves is a movement toward warmth–life is warm. Death is cold. In this equation it is our task to live as well as we can within the boundaries of human limitations. We can want to be better, we can want to learn a new skill, we can want more things and even a happier life; we just can not want as a chronic condition.
At some point in the process of a psychoanalysis we face who we are with certainty. This is not the end of the process. While at the still point of facing ourselves it becomes important to make the choice that is most comfortable with the self…This is fundamentally different from what we hear about in the media and what we grew up believing.
The comfortable choice allows for the thoughts to come from the ego, but does not buy into the idea that the ego’s voice is the only alternative. Listening more closely to our body, the anxiety that arises, the lethargy that may impose itself; or the somatic complaints that we may have, need to be heard. Because these sensations are often un pleasant we at times try to ignore and dismiss the feeling. When we chose this option the voices of the body come back in a louder and stronger manner.
A question oriented toward self-understanding is the better option. What am I trying to tell myself with the activation of this anxiety? Am I on target? Am I aiming for well-being? These questions posed to the anxiety can shed light on an otherwise very dark place within our subjective self.
If we are aiming to please others rather than aiming for our well-being first we will lose focus and the lack of clarity actually exacerbates the power of the anxiety or the power of the somatic complaint.
It is important to remember that the idealized version of ourselves is as important to dismantle as is the condition of low self-confidence.
Below is an article written by a counselor in Texas. It is short and it is accurate in its mission.